


Greater Love Than This

by DixieDale



Category: Clan O'Donnell - Fandom, Garrison's Gorillas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 05:01:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14969657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DixieDale/pseuds/DixieDale
Summary: "There's no greater love than this, that a man shall lay down 'is life for 'is friends."   Or something like that.  Well, they got that wrong, in my opinion.  I should know, cause I 'ad to make that choice.  For my friends, my brothers, I decided to live, even when I didn't really want to, even when it scared the ruddy 'ell out of me.





	Greater Love Than This

I love 'im, you know. I'm not ashamed to say it, though it's best I still be careful WHO I say it to, and really, ain't all that many people's business anyway, now is it? It's not like it affects 'ow we deal with those in the village, or our 'clients', or 'ow we do our jobs. It's a private thing, like most things in a family are private. But I do, there's no doubt in my mind, or 'is, or Meghada's, or the guys, any of the ones what count.

Well, except my Mum and Aunt Moll; never got around to telling them, outright, though they might have guessed. I wrote about 'im in every letter, along with Meghada, and the guys and later Randy. They met 'im that first time in New York when 'e and Meghada came to be introduced. He went with me the next two visits, but mostly kept to the meetings he had scheduled; thought we'd relish the time just the three of us, and we did. Meghada went along some trips, stayed back others. With them living in New York, and us 'ere in England, I guess we were lucky for it to be that much, those few visits.

They're gone now, both of them; I still miss them, and sometimes I wonder if I should have let them know 'ow much 'e meant to me. When it's all said and done, though, there's lots I never told them; my simple and uncomplicated life 'ad gotten anything but simple and uncomplicated, and while I told them some things, there was lots I didn't - the things I thought would just upset or worry them, and there was more than enough of that starting from when I was just a tike. Well, those I just never got around to, along with the few things that would 'ave made them think I'd lost my ruddy mind.

That's why I never dared let them met our Randy; 'e took a notion to Change at the wrong time, likely 'e'd 'ave given them conniptions, the pair o them. Don't get me wrong, we love 'im, past believing, but 'e can take some getting used to, our son. By the time 'e 'ad enough control we might 'ave risked it, at about three years, they were over six months gone, the pair of them, ruddy street accident. 

They know, pretty much, in the village too, not about Randy acourse, at least not totally, but about me and Craig and Meghada, but most've gotten used to the idea, and don't seem bothered by it. The collar is a dead give-away, since Meghada wears one too, and she explained 'ers right at the first, but 'e didn't wear 'is out in public til after the war ended and the Brass didn't 'ave any more rights to try and tell 'im what to do. 

I knew pretty early on in fact; nothing like finding your own cowardly self stepping out in front of a set of armed Germans for someone to clarify just 'ow you feel, you know? Course, I did it for the other guys too; just, 'e was the one I was thinking of at that moment, most of all. I just never thought that anything could ever come of it.

I mean, someone like 'im, someone like me? And, you know, it was never the blokes for me, not of my own accord anyway; never had the inclination, not til 'im. Just figured it was private, me loving 'im, no one needed to know that, especially 'im! Then everything changed; my whole life changed, with first Meghada somehow finding 'erself loving me, then Craig; them each deciding I was someone they wanted for their own; now, whoever would 'ave thought that? Not me, for sure, but I wouldn't change anything, I wouldn't. Especially since they are both fine with it; wasn't like I was told I 'ad to choose one over the other; they are both mine. But back to Craig for now.

How did I know? Well, think on it. For 'im, I stepped out of the shadows, let those special masks drop to the floor, letting the dangerous part of me show, plain and clear. Wore those special masks since I was thirteen, never took em off, not ever. Being small and kinda a friendly, bumbling clown? You 'ave a chance, can find those who're willing to protect you if you are useful enough cause they can't imagine you being a threat to them. Being my size and dangerous, knowing things? Well, that just guaranteed someone was going to get me out of the picture, right fast.

Then again, I 'ad things I needed to get done, things it would've been 'arder to do if people saw that side of me. And those things I did, well, just say 'aving people know about them, that woulda just been dumb, no matter 'ow justified I thought I was, no matter 'ow necessary it was for them to get done. But for 'im, for the guys, well, those masks slipped a few times, especially when they were in trouble, though I got them back in place as soon as I could, with them never really understanding, until finally that time when I dropped the masks flat out to the floor and everyone there saw more clearly who, what I really was.

Flattened an American Army Colonel, I did, for taking liberties I'd already warned 'im not to, touching, laying 'ands on the two what were mine, and that meant, along with everything else, mine to protect from scum like 'im, never mind 'im being a officer and all. Surprised the 'ell outta them, all except Meghada, and maybe Peter Newkirk; think 'e might 'ave 'ad some idea; well, 'e's from the East End too, so that makes sense. She'd always known, don't ask me 'ow; told me that was part of what she loved about me, in addition to all the rest, it was all part and parcel to 'er. Well, Meghada is the Dragon, she's an expert at masks, so I guess that makes sense too.

Still, the surprise was on me that time, finding out she knew, that she was fine, no, more than fine with it. Turned out Craig was fine with it too; I was lucky with that.

What else? Well, for 'im, I've killed, more times than I could tell you, more times than I can remember. Mostly that was on a mission, for 'im and the guys, some though just for 'im. That Gestapo Major, well, when I was finding my way to the safehouse, after we pulled 'im out o there, after they'd 'urt 'im so, well, let's just say it, after the ruddy bastard beat 'im, raped 'im? Well, the Major, 'e ended up with 'is throat slit; can't imagine 'ow that 'appened. Neither could any of the other guys, when Actor reported the chatter about 'is SIC finding 'im that way. Warden, 'e asked right firm of the guys, Chiefy mostly cause it was a knife, the others as well; me, don't think 'e even considered asking, not seriously anyway, more just so I wouldn't feel left out, everyone knowing I'm no good at such; just ask Sergeant Major, 'e'll tell you, "like trying to teach a fish to fly!" Didn't even answer, just stood there with my mouth 'anging open, eyes wide in shock, me at my innocent best, like I couldn't believe 'e was even asking. Never turned a 'air, any of them, I mean, not like they'd 'ave believed it if I'd told them the truth, that 'yes, I offed the bastard!'. Best that way, anyhow, don't you think? That was before we became more to each other, acourse, but even then, I knew 'e was important to me, real important, enough something like that wasn't going to just be passed over.

For 'im, I've been willing to die; put myself in the way of a knife or bullet or cannons or any of the other things you find yourself faced with in wartime. Course, did that for the guys, too, so you could say I love them too, which I do, just not quite the same way. Them, they're my brothers; Craig, well . . . Don't mean I'm not still a coward; still think I am, but some things, some people, well, they're worth dying for. Meghada and Craig, they say I need to come up with a better word than coward, cause those two things, they don't go together, but I don't know. It's 'ow I've always thought of myself, since I was twelve and couldn't protect myself, didn't dare tell anyone what 'ad 'appened, just 'id for the longest time, til I could go about as usual, and only then cause I'd almost starved to death, it being more than a week, and it's 'ard to change thinking that way now. 

But for Craig, I did the scariest thing, maybe the 'ardest thing. I lived. Now, most would say, what's so 'ard about that, but it was. See, if I lived for 'IM, then maybe . . . But, let me tell you the whole story, maybe you'll understand then. 

A nice simple mission, just like they kept promising us, easy in, do the job, easy out. Just 'ow many ruddy times 'ave they told us that??! Meghada went with us; it was in a part of the country where she 'ad contacts, could get us in position better than anything the Brass could do. She'd done the Contracts, she was outta that, finished; but sometimes, for us, well, she just kinda slipped back into things. We got in, did the job, easy enough; getting out, though, I looked to see one of the Jerries lining a bead on Casino. Wasn't time to yell and warn 'im, just time enough to shove and bring 'im down outta the line of fire. 

Felt like someone'd 'it me with a truck, it did; don't remember much after that til I was comin to laid out flat in the back of the plane we were using to get out. Craig and the guys were 'uddled around, Meghada leaning over me, me with bandages across my chest, them telling me to just lie still, they'd 'ave me back to the doctors real soon, I'd be just fine. Believed it for awhile, til we ran into that storm; the plane kinda jumped and shuddered, and I felt something shift inside me, and it was like I was a balloon someone was letting the air out of. Meghada 'ad been talking to me all along; Craig too, til 'e 'ad to go up and 'elp. the pilot. I remember telling 'er, "Gaida, I'm sorry, tell Craig I'm sorry," and then it got all 'azy, and I could 'ear 'er calling my name, 'ear the guys yelling for the Warden, and then they all just faded away. 

Next I remember, I'm looking over at all of them, them all really upset, Meghada looking as pale as I usually look, Craig . . . Well, I've never seen 'im look like that, not even when we've pulled 'im outta the 'ands of the Gestapo, or when 'e's got shot up really bad. Like 'is world was ending. I'm wondering just what's 'appened when Actor moves aside a bit, and I see. . . Well, I see me; and then I knew.

"Blimey, I'm dead!" I remember thinking. Meghada, she's leaning over me now, the me laying there on the floor of that plane, and she kisses me, real gentle like, and then she's leaning over even more, resting across my chest. Craig, 'e's got my 'and in 'is, and there are tears in 'is eyes, I can see them. 

Then, there's someone standing next to me, the me that's doing the watching, you know. Can't see much of 'er, but long red 'air, long skirt, a sort of fancy tunic over it, like Meghada would wear sometimes, what she called 'Clan dress'. I asks 'er, "do I leave now?" and she says, "we'll wait for a bit."

And we do, and then Chiefy, 'e says, "does someone still bleed after they're dead?" and they all look where 'e's looking, and the bandages around me, they're getting redder and redder, the blood soaking further and further, then over my chest, dripping down. Actor gets all excited, tries to get Meghada to move, and when she doesn't 'e pulls 'er back, and then they can see, we can all see that knife sticking out from under her breast, can see that's where the blood's coming from. Craig grabs for 'er, but she's laying real limp in 'is arms, not saying anything when 'e yells at 'er, "why???!"

Chiefy is the one who answers 'im, real quiet like, "she told him once, she'd always follow after, find him; she meant it - she wouldn't let him walk The Long Road alone." And I remembered 'er telling me that, too, when I'd been afraid of disappearing, being lost and alone, after that set-to with those Miggs bastards. And now Craig is rocking 'er, touching me, and I want to do something, anything, to stop the way 'e's 'urting. 

The one next to me, she asks, "do you want to stay or go?"

And I don't understand, so I ses to 'er, "thought I was already dead!"

She smiled at me, real kind like, "Dragon's blood, heartsblood of a Dragon, it can do strange and marvelous things, things like giving you another chance. You can stay or go."

I'm looking at Craig, and I can 'ear 'im whispering to us, both of us, "wait for me. Just, wait for me. I can't leave the guys, not right now; I have to take care of them, but, please, just wait for me. I'll come, as soon as I can, I promise, just wait . . ."

"What about Meghada? Can she stay too?" and the woman shook 'er 'ead, not saying No, just like she didn't 'ave an answer.

"I don't know; this isn't something that happens very often, you know. I don't know if she will stay, or go ahead. Know, though, if she goes ahead, she WILL wait for you, when it's time for you to make the journey; she'll find you then."

"If I go now, we'll be together now?" and she tells me, "yes, you'll be together now."

"What about Craig? Will we be able to wait for 'im?" and at that, she 'esitated.

"I don't know that either; you and she, you are Bonded; you and HE, you are Bonded; you are the link between the two of them. Without you with him, I don't KNOW that he will be able to find you both later. Maybe he will, but you aren't blood Clan, either of you, so I don't know."

Well, looking at Craig, seeing 'im like that, that pulled me in one direction, thinking 'e might not be able to find us later, thinking about 'im ending up alone; thinking about living without Meghada, even with Craig, that 'urt so, it pulled me in another direction. Wasn't even sure we'd survive, be able to stay together without 'er being a part of it all.

I think what made up my mind was the guys, believe it or not. They needed Craig alive and well; 'e was the only thing they 'ad going for them; they NEEDED 'im! And from what Craig was saying, I wasn't sure 'ow long 'e'd 'old out; even then I'd thought about after the war, the team staying together; they all 'ad a better chance that way. 

"She'll be waiting for me, even if I stay now?" and got a solemn nod, "yes."

"But MAYBE she can stay too? Please? If there's any way, please?" and I knew I was begging, and I didn't do that too often, and I think she knew that.

She smiled at me, "make your choice now, while there's still time for you to."

I inhaled real big, and told 'er, "I'll stay," 'oping Meghada would understand. And she dropped a chain a some sorts around my neck, and kissed me on my forehead, and then, then I was flat on my back, Craig's 'and latched so tight to mine I thought it'd be broken when 'e finally decided to let go. And I reached up my other 'and, and brushed his 'air back off 'is face, looked into those shocked wet green eyes, "Craig? Is 'Gaida alright?" 

They took us to the little private 'ospital Meghada's brothers work out of, and quite an uproar we caused there, I can tell you that. The guys wouldn't let anyone touch us, not til Patrick and Michael and James were there, but they came running fast enough when they 'eard we'd been brought in. Actor was telling them about me, about me getting shot, about Meghada and the knife. 

Of all the things, the first thing Michael asked was, "where's the knife," and everyone looked at 'im like 'e'd lost 'is ruddy mind. I mean, wouldn't you? Like that was the important thing, what with all the blood and everything?

Chiefy was the one who spoke up, "I have it," and pulled it out from under his arm sheath. A pretty thing, it was, all thin and silvery, with all kinds of markings on it; 'e tried to give it to Michael, but Michael backed away, wouldn't touch it.

"No, keep it til you can give it back to her; it won't want my hands on it," like it was alive or something. Chiefy nodded and tucked it back. Patrick was the same about the chain around my neck; 'e looked at it carefully, nodded to 'ave Michael do the same, but they wouldn't touch it, nor let anyone else, just shook their 'eads and gave us three a really strange look, like they were all impressed or something.

The three wouldn't let anyone else near me or Meghada, none of the nurses or anyone else, cept the guys acourse. That made more sense when they got off those bloody bandages of mine, and Actor asked about my bullet wound, and James kinda gulped and asked 'im right back, "what bullet wound?" in a right strange voice. Right 'e was, too, only a little mark, like something that'd been done a long time ago. I felt bruised, achy there, but that was all.

Meghada, now that knife wound, it was still there, still trickling blood, but she was breathing, and the brothers and James, they didn't seem too worried after she opened 'er eyes and started answering their questions.

They tucked us up together, same room, beds pushed right up along side each other, so we could reach out and touch if we wanted to; well, acourse we wanted to, NEEDED to. They might not 'ave found a bullet wound, but I was tired, like I 'adn't slept in days, 'ad run the obstacle course a dozen times over. They left us there, and we touched 'ands, and we relaxed, thinking to follow their orders and sleep, knowing we'd talk it all through later. Craig, 'e came in after 'e'd done the debriefing at HQ; 'e stayed with us, first in a chair, pulled up to the side of my bed, but when I asked, 'e pushed the chair away, and curled up next to me, so it was like when we were at the Cottage, me in the middle, them one on each side of me, the way it was supposed to be. Then, we slept. No one seemed to mind when they found us that way next morning either. 

Don't know 'ow 'e managed it, but Michael got Major Richards to put the team on 'stand down' for a week. With me not showing any wounds, no way the Brass would put up with me not going out on another mission, and I just wasn't up for it, along with not wanting to leave Meghada til she was up and doing again. Craig, 'e just threw all the rules over the side; 'e 'ad to be at the Mansion for working on reports and taking calls and Brass showing up unexpected and all that, and didn't want us much out of 'is sight, so Meghada and I got tucked up into 'is bedroom up there. Sergeant Major swallowed real deep, but managed to swallow it down, and bless 'im, didn't kick up a fuss nor tell the Brass about it. Now, there's another whose idea of a simple and uncomplicated life got all twisted around!

The guys, they finally got around to asking, and I told them what I remembered. They didn't 'ave much to say, just gave me a 'and on the shoulder, a one-armed 'ug, something like that. Seems they're glad I decided to stay too.

Talked to 'Gaida about it all, too; I was worried some, about what that one 'ad said about maybe Craig not being able to find us, if we went on ahead, us being able to find 'im if 'e went first. Well, with the war and all, things do 'appen; that last bit proved that right enough. She didn't say much then, like she wanted to think about it, but later that day, told me for some time she'd felt the start of something that could be a Bonding between 'er and Craig, like a window opening just a crack, but wasn't sure that was what 'e or I would want, didn't want to intrude on what the two of us, me and Craig 'ad, so she'd not let it go any farther, kept it latched; that she thought we could maybe 'push' it a bit, if that was what I wanted, if that was what 'E wanted.Well, there was no question in my mind, so we sat 'im down and talked it out.

Turns out, didn't take too much, a bit of a push from each of us, a bit of ritual, that window flew straight open; now, we don't 'ave to worry about it. If one of us goes ahead, the others, well, the others won't 'ave any trouble with the finding. It'll be the three of us then, just like it is now. Like it's supposed to be.


End file.
